Tuesday, April 29, 2014

This is a journal entry that I wrote last June. I have quoted bits and pieces of it on my blog before, but I felt compelled to share the whole thing:

I'm lying next to my friend now in her comfy silk sheets. It is 2am. She is asleep.
I feel so peaceful in this moment. A suspended reality wherein I'm both alive and dead at the same time. 
The moment we are born, we begin to die. 
I'm fairly certain at this point that life is about love, which can take many forms. 
Most people think of love and think of soulmates or their soul loving another soul in a breathless, blissful eternity. 
While I know that this love exists, it is not the only kind of love, and not everyone finds it. 
Love is everywhere... People, nature, ideas are all full of it. 
Right now the love I'm experiencing is for life in general-- 
for the fluid motion of every element and being in a cycle that was calculated perfectly before the measurement of time even existed. 
Nobody sees life. 
We see us. 
We see our own personal world that we created in our own head and tainted with our own jaded eyes. 
If we could open our eyes like tiny doors and step through to the outside, we would find an unknown world-- one we all share. 
We are on the same planet in a physical sense, but mentally we are all galaxies apart; 
We are tied to faulty stars that bleed selfish bile; 
a bile which has infiltrated our physical planet and kills love on contact. 
I want to see the big world. The real world. 
The one that society hasn't vandalized with its filthy myths and tactical distortions. 
Sometimes I see this world. I am seeing it now. 
But it's hard, if not impossible to live here always, because this world is virtually deserted. 
The longer we have spent on this earth, the longer we have learned to lie and pretend that we know ourselves and our species. 
We know nothing. Nothing is real. 
Everything abstract was created by a separate mind from behind their own pair of eyes, and instead of recognizing this and seeing what is actually in front of us.. the ebb and flow of creatures and energy..We see this pop up book which was designed collaboratively by many souls who know nothing more than we do.


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